criticism gossip and clarity - this i believe

    What would you rather: have someone mad at you because you were straight-forward and honest, or have two angry and frustrated people (you and that person) as a result of "hints" and angry actions?  I believe that in the body of Christ it is ok to be honest and "come out" with things.  It annoys me when there is a lot of "hints", generalities, and "tactfulness".  I know, I know:  In some situations this is necessary because the individual may be in a weak place and may need gentleness.  Also, I understand that I must first have a relationship with the person, in which he or she knows that I actually care about them and that I am looking out for their better good.  But just pretending for a moment that these things are in place, I believe that there is a level of honesty that is, not necessarily pleasant for us to deal out, but is freeing and clearifying for us and our brother.  After all, how else will he see himself through yours and others' eyes?

And I know it's hard!! Sometimes it comes out wrong, sometimes you're not even sure if it's an important issue, but you'll never find out if you don't try. Sometimes you worry if the person will be mad at you. And if you're on the recieving side you may think that the person talking to you hates you or only sees your faults. It's not true! They care. And that's why they summed up the courage to talk to you!

"Let the righteous smite me, in kindness, and reproof me. It is precious oil upon my head: I won't refuse it or despise it." Psalm 141:5

And I am also saying this to my friends about me. I don't want my friends just living with my faults and not saying anything to me when I do (or say) something that offends them or someone else. Thank you to Hosanna who is never afraid to say anything to me about anything! That really means a lot to me. 
I've recently wondered "what if we gossiped about someone TO that someone"  :)  that would be funny. If you think about it, it's really funny how we can tell a million people what someone did but are too afraid to tell that person.  By then it should be clear that it is that important to you and hopefully you'll go tell that person how you feel.  :)

"If it's very painful for you to criticize your friends, you're safe in doing it. But if you take the slightest pleasure in it, that's the time to hold your tongue."     
                                                                                        ~Alice Duer Miller

Anyway, I hope that this is not words of death and I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I kind of realized as I was writing that I have seen this situation in more than one place so I am not talking to any one person. (am I being too general! :)