Silent Protest or Humble Reply

You may have heard that silence is sometimes the best answer.  Someone says something to you that tics you off and you just want to punch them or tell them what you really think of them.  Some of us have the courage (if that's what you'd call it) to fight back. I've found that fighting back often encourages the other person and makes them feel more justified in their attack.  If you hit me and then I hit you, we're even right? No guilt.
So instead of smacking people with your words maybe you choose the safe zone of silence.

 If you say nothing then things won't get worse, right?  Silence will surely end all problems, after all you can't have an argument when just one person is talking.  Unfortunately with this choice is that everyone "feels" me anyway just as if I did say hurtful words.  They feel my attitude like green slime oozing out onto everything.

When we try the silent treatment they practically beg us to say something.  They want something out of us.  Silence is easy and we feel we can fight the battle passive aggressively

I constantly feel, though, that I should always choose the hard thing.  That in doing hard things I can become more and even more than what I am, like a diamond being cut and cut until it sparkles and is highly valuable.

In doing hard things and especially those things that chip away at my pride I can find humility and peace.  I feel that if I find humility and peace I can truly be free in this world and safe from harm.  In this case, what would the hard thing be?  Returning with a patient, respectful response.

Proverbs 15:1 is a good one!  "A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger."

I feel that answering an attack with a patient response is like giving a gift to someone who just knocked you down.  It's like pulling a stool out from under them.  They almost have no where to go.  It throws them off like a hound when it loses the scent of the hunt.  It suddenly lets them see themselves and it has the power to make them back off.  When we return good for evil the other person no longer feels justified to fight.

Like I said before, it is hard to do.  It is hard to not twist your face in anger and raise your voice and let them know just what jerks they are and why they should not be saying to you what they are saying.  It's hard to know what to say sometimes even if you are willing to turn things around.  I  sometimes have a hard time expressing what I want to express, I love the line repeated in Pride and Prejudice:  "Practice!"

So I hope I can learn to swallow my pride and be patient with people in my life.  I hope I can choose the harder choice and that is to speak kindly and help the situation rather than wallow in my loathing and punish those around me.  One is humility and the other is selfishness.

Homosexuality and God-Followers

In 2008 I listened to a Christian musical artist named Ray Boltz.  I loved his songs.  There was so much passion in them.  Several years later when I had my own laptop I was looking up old artists to kind of go back to what I used to listen to.  I found out that Ray Boltz had "shocked the Christian community" by announcing he was gay. I was surprised and I wanted to know more.  I read that he had written a song "Don't Tell Me Who to Love" and I also watched a video interview with him.  I wanted to know what he had to say because I just don't know how any God-loving Christian could justify homosexuality.  I haven't heard the song but just the title in reference to this subject seems to drip with rebellious disdain towards other people.

In the interview he spoke about struggling for a long time with the fact that he felt gay.  He struggled with the fact that his wife and kids didn't even know.  He said he felt like death "was the only way out" and he had suicidal thoughts.  Finally he came clean because he wasn't hiding his struggle very well.  His family came around him and told him "they loved him anyway."

He said that other people did not respond as well and said many terrible things to him.  Even telling him he should kill himself.  I don't think the people who said those things really love and are following God.  And I don't think Ray is following God either.

Early in the interview he said he had not experienced the transformation promised when one accepts Christ.  I guess that means he was not magically made un-gay by accepting Christ.

So here are my thoughts:  God holds marriage between a man and a woman very sacred.  It is special to Him and is His picture of how He wants the church to be as a whole.  Homosexuality is not how God made us, and to claim to follow and love God whilst choosing to be homosexual is going against God.  Another word for going against God is sin.  Man is sinful but Jesus and God want to save and cleanse us from sin.  God doesn't say "accept yourself and everything will be alright." He says repent of your sins and be cleansed and forgiven.

I know that sin is a tough thing to be chained to and no amount of striving on our part will change us or take it away.  It's like tar.  The more you struggle the more it entangles you.  That's why we have God.  Only He can rescue us out of it.

It is not instantaneous.  If we as Christians struggle with sin, we cannot simply say it is "just apart of us."  God does not accept sin he destroys it, therefore we should not accept it.  Through clinging to God, beseeching Him to cleanse us daily, spending time with Him, asking and begging for Him to fill us, we will be healed.   We need others who truly love God to keep us accountable.  We need to talk to them because God is in each of us.  We need to repent.

I don't think Ray is evil.  I don't want him to kill himself.  I do want him to realize that if He really loved God He would not just continue to go against God and be ok with it.  I want him to know that it does take time to be changed and the only way for it to happen is to SEEK THE LORD with all your heart, mind, soul and strength.

Lord, may I live up to this as well!  May I seek Your will above everything and please make me new, Lord.  Keep me from stumbling!  Do not let me think only of myself!  Show me all the ways in which I am selfish and not honoring You!!

Seeking God to Changes Us

Let us seek not to change others but to become who we need to become.

Let us realize our utter inadequacy and in that desolate, hopeless realization, seek the Father of all.

Through Him and Him alone can we become who we need to be so that others will be able to be who they are supposed to be.

If children do not see a good example and if they are constantly pushed down and "taught their place” with an iron fist, they will not learn how to be confident, respectful adults.  How will they learn if they do not have a proper leader who respects them?

We are all inadequate but we have a Father who holds it all. If we are filled with faith in Him and stay by His side every moment, He will flood us with new life and will keep us from falling. He will convict our hearts when we do wrong and will open a way for us to be saved.

Love is the only way that life will come. If there is not love there is not life. If there is not life, there is not love.

Hate brings death. If there is death and darkness than it is because of hate.

We have to choose life and not death every moment, love not hate.

We have to go to God and meditate on Him and He will give us His love and life.

We cannot save ourselves, we cannot make things change, we cannot be good on our own.

We will die on our own apart from God and we will kill everyone around us.

Seek the Father and let Him change your life.

Why I Love Being Poor (this is not to discourage philanthropy, keep the tips comin)

Have you ever gotten a fantastic idea that you just had to do right away because it would be awesome?  I get a lot of those.  The problem is, right now I'm really poor.  Between trying to build up clientele for my massage business and having bills to pay and licenses and education to keep up with, A lot of the time I find myself saying "I don't have the money to do anything."  But by-golly I will not be swayed because at heart, I am an artist and an artist must create.

So today I wanted a salad.  Yesterday I wanted to enter some art into an art show and possibly sell it (which would bring in some $$)  Well, I didn't want my lettuce to be all wet because you know how lettuce rots if it's terribly wet and I didn't have a frame for my art.  These two lacks triggered responses that I'm sure created new pathways in my brain. I went on a walk and found some old, old and I mean old wood in my friends backyard.  After stealing it (with permission) I broke it into the right sizes and nailed it together.  I put the lettuce in a calendar, a pot lid on top and went outside.  And behold, folks, I was the second person to invent the human lettuce spinner (THIS person thought of it first. Step 4)  So my art became a masterpiece and my salad was delicious.

What I want to say to you is when you have all those fantastic ideas accompanied by a lack of resources, rejoice!  It is in the moment of need that creativity and genius emerge.  And there is a genius in all of us, if we just believe and try.

In summary, a wise person once said "Necessity is the mother of invention."

You know, where I come from, we have this thing called clarity.  It is a feeling of satisfied lightheartedness as a burden lifted from your chest. It takes courage, humility, patience, kindness and selflessness and can only be achieved by people of utmost quality. It cannot be achieved by prideful, impatient, selfish, cowards. This thing, clarity, comes from discussing an offense with the person you have a problem with and listening. When in this situation, I have to respect them and they have to respect me. I have to look for the ways in which I was wrong and I have to admit it.  We have to resist the urge to blame, blame, blame. None of us will ever move forward if we don’t help pull our own weight. That means always doing our part which includes being wrong.

In the end, each person feels light as a feather because he or she is not carrying around the burden of bitterness any longer.  There is understanding between them because they both asked what and why the issue and reactions happened.  They are clear. And that is what clarity comes from.  So, if you have never done this before, you may find out what a delicious thrill it can be.  Warning:  it may become addictive.  Go to that person you got offended with yesterday.  Say to them "Hey, do you mind if we discuss what happened yesterday?  I don't want either of us to stay stuck in non-understanding.  I want to hear what you saw, heard and felt."  and then talk about it with an open heart and mind.

You will not believe the feeling of relief when you get everything off your chest, the happiness of being kind to the other person and the closeness you feel to them once you each understand each other.

Let Kids Be

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14


        I remember stuff from when I was about 6, 7, and 8.  Maybe even before that.  And after.  I remember not knowing how to get along with other kids, I remember giving my parents trouble (like a lot of kids do). I remember the word "annoying" being linked to me constantly.  I also remember being ignored by older kids (not all of them of course, but many) whenever I did something innapropriate (but totally expected of a little kid who hasn't been taught), whenever I interrupted or said something that was stupid, I remember just being ignored. 
         And I don't know that was what I needed, but I do know that it did something inside of me.  I don't think it made me any less annoying.  I think it caused some rifts, though.
        When people experience hurt like this, they want to make sure it never happens to someone else. I think that kind of hurt instills a measure of compassion for others.  Now that I am older and have so many young kids in my life, I know that they know what is going on.  I know that ignoring them will do no good to anyone.  I do my best not to ignore them.  If they interrupt, I let them know that and I love them anyway.  If they say something that is not nice, I show them another way and love them anyway.  But I will never ignore the little ones or treat them any way, but with love.  After all they're just kids and they have to be patiently taught how to be, or they won't know.

Thank you Bethlehem for not ignoring me, thank you Samantha for loving me anyway, thank you Hosanna for never giving up on me, thank you Abby for being my friend, thank you Channah for teaching me. And on and on:  Lev, Yahshana, Simchah, Shebeth, Cheres.


ps.  I do not write this for anyone to feel sorry for me, but for me to get out my thoughts and to call out to all my friends, the young people, to not ignore the little ones, but to dare to love even the most annoying of them - You will make a difference and be remembered for it even till they are adults!

The Princess of Sunshine

My goal in life is to be a princess.  More precisely, a Princess of Sunshine.  Who is the Princess of Sunshine?  Well, if you read the Bible, I suppose she can be well described in Proverbs 31.  She is someone who's face radiates with joy, peace and compassion.  She is someone who knows who she is and holds to that.  She is someone who is kind, generous, thinks the best of others and lives off of positivity.  But she is not perfect - by any means.  Sometimes she cries because of mistakes she makes and things she says.  These mistakes and blunders happen because she forgets, sometimes, who she is:  The Princess of Sunshine.  She holds in her heart a great love for the King and a desire to please Him.  That is what she wants most!  To be His princess and to be able to come to Him with a smile knowing that she pleases Him.

There is a very clever saying that says "Inside every woman is a queen, talk to the queen and the queen will answer" A very good saying indeed.  But my goal is to be a queen (or a Princess of Sunshine) no matter how others speak to me or treat me.  BOY IS IT HARD!  In fact, I don't think I can do it.  I think "He should not treat me like that, he should not say that" or "he should say this!"  I get treated like I am a witch sometimes...and unfortunately I respond like a witch and confirm it.   But that is not who I am!  I am the Princess of Sunshine and I am begging the King "PLEASE HELP ME!!!  I cannot be good without Your help!!!"  I hate being a witch when inside I am a princess.