Your Mercy, Lord

A tune came to me not long ago and wouldn't leave.  I needed words so I pieced together something from a conversation I had had with a client at work.  She had asked what is one attribute of God that has meant something to me in my life. This song came from that.  

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Your mercy, Lord,
It covers me,
Your love
It wraps around me,
Your forgiveness, Lord,
It is incredible,
Your kindness, Lord,
It is enough.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're all that I seek,
You're all I will find,
You've hedged me before,
You've hedged me behind.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You know who I am,
You know all I do,
You've blessed me so much,
And I'll live for You.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Slave to Whom?

We know what sin is.  We know what God considers sin.  We know the things we're not supposed to do.  I will speak out of my own experience because I strongly believe this is something I should primarily speak out of.  I know what sin is.  I know what I'm not supposed to do.

I have struggled with sin lately.  I have questioned whether the thing I want to do really is sin.  How do we know it's sin?  Why can't I do it without feeling bad about it?   Why does God have to treat me like a slave and tell me what I can and can't do?

Well I have an answer for myself.  I asked God about it.  The thing is this:  the sin is almost irresistible, if I do not resist, I inevitably go on ahead full throttle, no stopping it.  I am a slave.  It controls me and I have to do it.  Unless, I make a choice.

I can make a choice to believe that God wants me to be free of everything that would bind me, namely, my enemy Satan whose ultimate goal is to bind me in anyway he can.  I can choose to believe that the things God does not want me to do, will hurt me in the end and that it is Love that asks me not to do those things that hurt me.

I can choose to submit to the One who has life and love for me.  Why would I choose the other guy?  He doesn't want good for me!  When I give in to sin, I am making the choice to submit to Satan, my enemy.  When I choose to turn away, I submit to my King who loves me.

So next time I wish to ask

"Is this really a sin?  Why shouldn't I?"

I will reply

"Well, is it controlling you?  Is it giving life and making you grow?"

If the answer is "yes" to the first then it is not something I want to be doing.  If the answer is "no" to the second, it is something I should cease immediately.

O, Lord, we cannot save ourselves.  We cannot conquer without Your grace.  Keep us, O Lord, from the things that ensnare us

That Scary Word, "Change" - but I love it!

Making changes.  Scary changes.  Seems like I often write when I'm sad, angry or nervous.

Well, I am nervous because I've said it and I've written it.  I'm making changes.  

Every year seems to have new dreams new goals and things I've never thought of before.  

As I learn about what's inside me and what I can offer, dreams and goals start to shape up!

It's exciting and scary.

Thinking of closing my business, moving away, following avenues of creativity.  There's so much I've gotten to do that others haven't and so much that others have gotten to do that I haven't.

My only concern is that once I tie up the ties and wrap up the wraps that I will just start floating along, lazy, doing nothing.

There's a quote I've been thinking about that says

"Learn to rest, not to quit."  

I'm scared that I'm quitting but the truth is, I'm just making some changes.  I've been overwhelmed and would like to take a little more control of my life.  I'd like to have a little more order and a little more of a choice.

I want to blast off!  I want to surround myself with people and things that make me more.  

Oh, God.  I pray that in letting go of the things I've had for so long, that I'm not letting go of you and swimming out into the sea alone.

You are my God.  I am Yours and I believe in who You are and who You are creating me to be!

~~~~

So, right now, everything is fuzzy and pink.  I dream of not working two massage jobs and hopefully catching up on getting massages myself.  I dream of working at the Lift gym and some other job that I enjoy.  

Some would think me crazy for choosing this but I actually want to take a shot at rocking a waitressing job.  Another idea is that I'd like to work in a women's fashion store.

I dream of living in the city where there's more to do, more opportunities.  I want the opportunity to sing in more places and maybe even teach dance.  I want to get into some groups such as young adult groups at churches.  

I love bookstores and coffee shops.

Really soon I want to talk with the chamber of commerce and pitch my idea for my new business that is everything I love.  (It's a secret for now, but I'll call it MHP) Everyone I talk to about MHP gets excited!  I am excited.  I don't know how the hell I'm going to do it but I know that this would be AWESOME!

I dream about living in a place where I can have a cat or two.  I need something to love and call my own, my baby. 

Nothing to do with moving but I want to get a new phone because mine is broken. I've NEVER actually spent money on a phone.  I've had three and they were either given to me or cheapo junk.  I want to get contacts, maybe...aaa not really important.

Garden Heart

My favorite metaphor is that our hearts are like a garden with flowers and weeds and that God is the gardener. 

If we submit to His work on us - to me that is allowing people to correct me and being very honest with myself and others about my shortcomings but also coming to God and meditating on Him every day - God will work out the weeds and cultivate the beauty

Faithful Are the Wounds of a Friend

It's not often that I know exactly what the title is.  Today, I do: faithful are the wounds of a friends.

I am in pain.  The tears were streaming down my face and my nose was getting all stuffy and my throat had that weird, painful lump in it.

I am so, so, lucky to have the opportunity to go through this pain, to have friends who will inflict it - showing their true love to me.  I boast that I will only shine brighter because of it. I will only be stronger.

I had to look at the truth tonight.  I knew what the truth was but I had forgotten it, forgotten the conclusion to the truth.

When they call it the "ugly truth" it is just that.  It's the kind of truth that gives you a red, puffy face and a snotty nose, it's the kind of truth that makes you want to put your face on the ground and stay there for hours because you know that this simple gesture would be better than anything else you could think of doing.

Ah, the truth.  It was the same thing I've hear for years and I responded the way I always do - with resolve to be quiet and still and let the spirit of God change my heart.

That's the only way I'll be new.

That's the only way I can truly love.

~~~~~~

A checklist.  That's what I make my friends feel like.  A checklist that I quickly grow to despise.

Over and over, I will learn that it doesn't matter where I live, or where I work, or what I eat or how I entertain myself - I will be blown about by every wind and thought that comes my way, unless my heart be in the right place.  That place is in Christ.
My. Heart. Has. To. Be. In. Christ every day.

I was looking for an answer, I was saying

"God! what willest Thou for me?"

I got my answer. Right now.  Right where I am.

It amazes me and terrifies me how easily Satan deceived me into thinking that it was all outside circumstances and that I was dissatisfied because of my job and where I live - no, I was dissatisfied because I was not in unity with God and I was inverted into myself.  My eyes and heart were not open to the hearts of my friends, only to the circumstances and checklists.  They need me to care just a lot more and in all the words I heard about the things they are annoyed with and the attitudes they feel from me, the conclusion in my own heart is that this is all symptoms of a deep, deep sickness in me.

I often think, and would like you, reader to consider, that this sickness is like weeds that twist their way into our hearts. Some people call it "baggage."  Throughout our years, from childhood on, we grow in patterns of thinking and in patterns of actions.  All of us have human patterns like this - good and bad.  As a Christian, I believe that God tends us like a garden, taking as much time to weed out the bad and cultivate the good as it did for all of it to grow up in us.

Weeds drop seeds at every level of soil and so they will come back again and again and the Lord will work them out again and again.  One year pulling them up by hand, another year digging them out with a spade and yet other times, burning them with fire.  Don't mistake me:  this working will only continue and progress as you and I submit to it.  In my life, God speaks to me in my heart about His will but MUCH more so through people and my friends.  They are affected by my behavior and so clearly see my patterns, while I might feel that I am getting away with something.

We must be open to correction and willing to look at the ugly truths and the hard truths.  We must be willing to be crushed and yet rise up right after the crushing to go to our Lord and be healed!

This is not to say that it is pain always, for there are times when one is flourishing with roses and gardenias - there is always good and bad within a garden.

My friends did not tell me I had a sickness they only showed me the symptoms, but I know that I need to run to Jesus and lay down at His feet every morning, every night.  That if I do this and open my heart to His work, my friends will truly feel His love and ALL my dreams will come true because my dreams will become one with God's will.


Psalm139:

O that you would slay the wicked thoughts in me O God! Depart from me, therefore, Satan!

He speaks against you wickedly, the enemy takes your name in vain. Do I not hate him O, Lord. who hates you?  Do I not loathe the one who rises against you? I hate him with perfect hatred, he is my enemy.

Search me O Go and know my heart, try me and know my anxieties and see if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the

Way Everlasting.

Sin is Real And Here's What We Should Do About It

I believe in an enemy of all mankind, a villain whose sole goal is to destroy us.  I believe in a Savior, a hero whose sole goal is to deliver us.  I believe in good and evil.

This is actually a belief that is fading away.  Few believe in right and wrong anymore.  Few react to right and wrong correctly anymore.

I believe in sin.  And I believe there is a way I am supposed to react to sin.  I have begun to understand the patterns of sin and the patterns of the evil-one who created it.

I believe in righteousness.  I believe in the Source of that righteousness and I am beginning to understand what righteousness is...I believe it is not at all what many people would expect.

The pattern of the afore mentioned villain of our story are as follows:

If he cannot "get us" in one way, he tries another.

It is that simple, I believe.  I believe that Satan is a simple creature.   Sometimes I think him very stupid because he is so predictable, however I also think him clever sometimes because I often fall in his traps.

If he cannot get me in one way he moves on to the next.

This is how I explain the conquering of one struggle and how another rises up right afterwards.

I just want to wrap our minds around what these struggles are defined as for us Christians.
I believe that God is so mighty and wise.  I believe that He has an order and a plan, however, it looks nothing like what we can imagine.  I believe we can only look to Him always and seek Him and He'll let us know.

He has, however, defined quite clearly some things He wants us to do and some things He does not want us to do:

TO DO:                                                                            DO NOT:

Love God                                                                      Don't be jealous of what someone else has
Love our neighbor                                                        Don't be selfish or vain
Care for the sick and homeless and widowed              Don't be prideful
Render to Cesar what is Cesar's                                   Don't murder
and to God what is God's                                             Don't lie
Be strong and of good courage                                    Don't be a glutton                          
Love your wife                                                             Don't sin sexually
Follow your husband                                                   Don't be adulterous
Work out your own salvation                                       Don't be afraid
Live a quiet life                                                            Don't hate
Mind your own business and                                       Don't be lazy and foolish
Work with your hands                                                  Don't be frivolous


So that's just a few off the top of my head.  Pretty clear, huh.

So yeah,  if we who claim to follow God, the Father of Jesus Christ, do the things that are on God's do not do list, then we are sinning.  Plain and simple. Sin is simply going against what God asked us to do.

You know, I think the world is trying really hard to convince everyone that there is no such thing as sin, the devil and God.  No, it's not the world doing this, it is the devil himself.  Oh, he uses words and people's feelings as mighty weapons against us!

You know what?  I pause every few minutes to pray that God would help us all to see Him and His truth so we can follow Him.  I'm not afraid that I'm going to be snatched up by Satan, but I do know that I and also you can be so blind.  I put it in God's hands.

Anyway.  There is sin.  And you can look at that list and figure on which ones apply to you.  If none apply to you, go back to the third one.

Now how should we react to sin?  Should we do what the lord of the world is doing and slowly convince ourselves it is not sin?  Should we make a prioritized list of which sin is worse than the others and decide we're "not that bad"?  Only God is the judge of what is worse than what.

Should we begin to watch for these sins in others and save the world ourselves by fighting against them?  Only God can judge others and only God can save the world.

Should we become terrified of doing something wrong?  Should we punish ourselves?  Should we take drastic measures to protect ourselves from temptation?  The latter would not work - many have tried that!  Look at the Amish or Mennonites.  They may be chaste and hardworking and devoted, but again, Satan will get them in other ways.  Even a pie recipe that you think is sooo much better than Edna's can be the sin of pride.

We can't run from sin.  We can't beat it out of ourselves.  Fighting is futile.

So here's the solution, here's the key:

Look to God.  Seek Him with all that is in you.  He is the only one who knows what's best. He is so wise and will give all we need in time.  Praise Him, know and believe that He is good and will do what is best.  He is everywhere.  He is in you, He is in others, He is in the world and in the earth.  If you look for Him you will find Him.  If you trust in Him, you will find peace.  If you make Him king of your life, He will set you free from sin and you. will. fly.

Righteousness is a very big word that may bring many thoughts to your mind.  If you do not understand what righteousness means, it may sound super arrogant to you.  But righteousness simply means united with God.  A righteous person is the one who is sitting at the feet of the throne of the King as a humble servant who wants only what the King wants.  The wise and good King who reigns justly.  That is righteousness and that is what being a Christian means.

Heart Glass

We're about to have  our yearly, special event at church called and "Ingathering". It's a time for our members to be together and worship God. It's kind of like our New Year and family reunion and revival.

One of my friends sent a text to everyone saying

"Let's guard or hearts in preparation for the Ingathering."

 I was asking myself: what is guarding my heart? I have heard this said often growing up and as with so many other things that I don't understand, I am excited to come to an understanding of what this means. I know it means something beautiful.

I was just thinking: what is something that I guard? How do I guard it?

 I went to a wine tasting a few months ago and was given a wine glass with the event name printed in it.

It's special to me. I keep it in my room and only use it to drink special drinks like wine or special juices.  I dare not  leave it out in the kitchen where others can use it. I've left special things out before and they've been broken.

So I think I have somewhat of an understanding now of what guarding my heart is: It is keeping my heart away where it won't be broken or used. And used for a purpose that it's not meant for, or for the wrong time. I think this meaning fits well, i think it's beautiful.