Crushing Those Thoughts

Crushes are kind of exciting and can feel a little like a hobby.  

Unfortunately, though, in my experience, indulging in a crush has caused me to become self-centered and insensitive to the feelings of others - I'll elaborate:

I suddenly become worried that I need to seem smarter or funnier and trying hard to be either of these things only ends in disaster and embarrassment.  

Sometimes I say or do stupid things that make others uncomfortable or offended.  This sort of thing can happen with any person - crush or not - that I am wishing to impress.  I end up doing the opposite and I'll tell you why this occurs.

A crush puts pressure on people.  If they know you're crushing on them it just gets awkward.  They may not know quite how to act around you.  It may make them feel like they never want to be nice again if the result is that you start crushing on them for it.

 A person who is kind and loving with the love of Christ should be rewarded by the same love in Christ - selfless love that takes nothing for itself but has open eyes to be respectful and kind to the person.

I have a choice to crush on someone and make things all awkward or to be his friend and sister in Christ.

A crush says "I want" whereas a sister says "how can I be generous and serve him?" 

It's about loving and serving others and taking nothing for me!

Wow! How many times do I have to be reminded of this in every relationship?!  I wish I had the power every day to be resolute in the intentions that please God. 

I want to crush those selfish thoughts and aim to always look to God and to the well-being of those around me. Servant, servant, servant, servant, servant, servant.  Always a servant to my King who will give me all good things in His time.

I Know God is Gentle

image by John Fagan

I know that God is gentle

'Cause I feel Him in the breeze,

See Him in the drifting clouds

And quiet, flowing streams,

Peaceful singing of the birds

Just because they like to,

There's so much silence to be heard

And sunbeams to delight you.

I know God is gentle 

'Cause I've felt the misty rain,

Mighty mountains standing still,

Seasons' fluid change.

Kindness turned my selfish heart,

Patience dispelled fear,

That's how I know that God is gentle

And that He is right here.


- Rachel Fagan

Friends Don't Let Friends Walk in Darkness

I have a shirt that says "Friends Don't Let Friends Walk in Darkness" and on the back it has the following verse:

1John 1:5-7 The Message

God is light, pure light; there’s not a trace of darkness in him.

6-7 If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin.

The questions that arise to me are:  What is this Darkness?  What is this light?

I think this verse is speaking of accountability. 

To me, darkness is sin, deception, dishonesty and death.  Unfortunately it is easy for even Christians to walk in this darkness.

The light is accountability, honesty and vigilance to be near God and His people. It brings life.  

For me, living "in the light" means I talk about everything that's going on with me - the good and the bad.  I let others judge and encourage me.  I choose a friend - not always the same one - who I trust, someone who loves me and I know who seeks God and will tell me the truth. 

I feel so refreshed and inspired when a friend helps free me from my demons. 

We all have them! It's important to remember there is nothing new under the sun.

This walking in the light also includes sharing the good as well, sharing our dreams and goals and joys.  How fortunate is the one who has friends who will not simply smile and nod and allow them to go down the wrong path but will help guide them along the best paths.

- Rachel Fagan

Gain From Pain

You know those memories where you felt bad?  When someone said something to you or it's something they've said multiple times to you.  An instance I think of is when I was struggling with something and my mom would say,

"I don't know how to help you."

I would feel so helpless and a bit let-down, almost like she was giving up on me.  It wasn't a pleasant place to be.  Thinking of it now, to me it was pretty impressive that she could admit that, even though hearing it was not fun.  Some parents try to just throw out some solution or tell you to get over it when really they just don't know what to do.

I wouldn't want someone else to have to feel that pain, that moment of helplessness, stuck in the goo of the problem with no solution.

I am tempted in a situation where a friend wants an answer to try to fix it or to say, "I can't talk to you about this anymore" - the former wouldn't help and the latter would certainly be giving up on her which is exactly what I do not want her to feel.

When my mom said "I don't know how to help you", maybe she wasn't giving up on me.  Maybe she was just telling the truth.  Maybe that gooey, tough place of turmoil is actually good.  Maybe I am in the good place I'm in now because I had to go through those bad feelings, those times of helplessness and NOT having all the answers all the time!!

Oh, that we would learn to do hard things and trust that the result will be golden.  If we could go through pain and have others say "I don't know how to help you" and then look back and realize things turned out ok how much more fearless would we be?


- Rachel Fagan

I Love My Little Closet

Singing is always how I express my happiness and praise to God.

I Love My Little Closet

- Rachel Fagan

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

I believe this poem is so good.  None of us have had perfect lives or perfect relationships and there is nothing we can do to change the past.  There is something we can do.  God is the only perfect father and He is always there for us and he will help us do what we have to:  forgive.

Let it Grow

I'm making some huge-to-me steps in my life.  I've been seeking the Lord for months and I have to believe that this direction is His leading, but I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that it's not His will for me.  I'm afraid I'm running ahead of Him.  I'm afraid that I'll become confused, that things others say will become apart of me when they shouldn't.

God says don't be afraid.  I believe that is my calling:  to learn to not be afraid and to learn to love perfectly because "perfect love casts out fear".

In the past I have taken the plunge and did not regret it.  I have learned things everywhere God has taken me.  If I go with Him, it cannot be wrong.

I must follow His spirit and listen to it.  I don't have to figure out what's right and what's wrong, I just have to follow Him. In the Bible it talks about the fruit of the spirit and I take that to mean that wherever God's spirit is, these things will grow:  joy, peace, love, endurance, patience, faithfulness, self-control.

I believe that whoever has these things inside of them has the spirit of God and is full of life.

In my Family we have another word for the fruit of the spirit and that is the word I just said: Life.

We believe when God's spirit is there, it brings life. The life-giving spirit of God makes goodness grow.  I think of it as a plant.

So I've grown up with people who strongly believe this fruit of the spirit/life thing.  It has benefited us countless times in getting to know God and being led by Him.

Sometimes God's spirit comes as a blast of encouragement, power to go on and continue in good works. Other times it's wrenching tearful pain like that when you have been convicted to cease sinning.  You'll know the common thread between these two aspects of the spirit of God by what they produce:  growth.  Like that beautiful, perfect plant.

It's like the sun some days and other days it's like dark, thunderous rains and all produce a magnificent product.

Contrariwise, just because something sounds encouraging or convicting, doesn't mean it's God's spirit saying it.  The way we know whether it is God is if we see that little green plant growing up out of it.

And now, back to the beginning and in conclusion, I will not be afraid.  I will trust in my good God.  I will rely on His spirit and I will not feel bad rejecting anything that I do not see bringing life.
He is good.