Fantasy vs Reality - Do We Have a Choice?

                                 

The more I observe the workings of the world, the more I realize the hold money has and the influence it has on all aspects of our lives.  The people that decide what we wear by creating the clothes, the corporations that decide what we eat because they make the food, the companies that decide what we think because they write the films and music.  Do we really know what we're getting into?  Do we question the intent of the ones shaping our world?  Are we really making our own choices in life of what we believe and what we want?

I feel that it's important to realize that money is the object for much of the large corporations of the world.  They want to create what sells and makes the most profit.  They are not concerned with helping us be healthier. or more satisfied or grow in morality.  The food industry in America for example, is all about producing food at a low cost and turning a profit - at the expense of so many things - our health, our environment and living creatures.

Much of the media takes no thought to encouraging moral standards or helping people to live a satisfied life.  They create dream worlds, things we wish were real.  They keep us hungry for these ideas.  How life really is, how relationships really are, the things people believe and do are easily skewed to make a story more interesting and attractive, therefore people will spend their money on it.
Commercials portray images that are nothing like the food itself, they exaggerate how you'll feel when you eat the food they're advertising.

I think it is very easy and common for people to believe what they see on the screen as an accurate portrayal of the rest of the world, but it's not.  Personally, whenever I relate to the world something I believed from the media, I see people look at me in confusion because it's not the way things are!

Music is the same.  When I hear the latest, most popular music,  I can't help but wonder how much of it is actually based off an artist's experiences or a dream world the writers are trying to make money off of.  I feel really bad for kids who are allowed to listen to much of the popular music these days. They know it word-for-word and are growing to believe the things it says when life is so (thankfully) different than that.

Magazines do it too. Models and photography, computer edited pictures make people look a certain way - looks that are impossible to achieve without constant work and sacrifice of quality of life. Thankfully this subject is getting talked about more lately.   Again, we buy the magazines because they are beautiful.  We see these things and think we are lacking something.  We don't realize how good real life is anymore.

We're all being set up for disappointment, unsatisfaction and influence towards things that destroy us.  We see this stuff and we think "if the people on the screen do it or have it, then I should too".
I'm only speaking out of my own experience and observations.

My solution to this, is I am going to decide who I really want to be and I'm going to look at and listen to the things that encourage me to be that.  I'm going to work at learning about life for-real and not get caught up in the portrayal of something only meant to entertain a fantasy.

Crushing Those Thoughts

Crushes are kind of exciting and can feel a little like a hobby.  

Unfortunately, though, in my experience, indulging in a crush has caused me to become self-centered and insensitive to the feelings of others - I'll elaborate:

I suddenly become worried that I need to seem smarter or funnier and trying hard to be either of these things only ends in disaster and embarrassment.  

Sometimes I say or do stupid things that make others uncomfortable or offended.  This sort of thing can happen with any person - crush or not - that I am wishing to impress.  I end up doing the opposite and I'll tell you why this occurs.

A crush puts pressure on people.  If they know you're crushing on them it just gets awkward.  They may not know quite how to act around you.  It may make them feel like they never want to be nice again if the result is that you start crushing on them for it.

 A person who is kind and loving with the love of Christ should be rewarded by the same love in Christ - selfless love that takes nothing for itself but has open eyes to be respectful and kind to the person.

I have a choice to crush on someone and make things all awkward or to be his friend and sister in Christ.

A crush says "I want" whereas a sister says "how can I be generous and serve him?" 

It's about loving and serving others and taking nothing for me!

Wow! How many times do I have to be reminded of this in every relationship?!  I wish I had the power every day to be resolute in the intentions that please God. 

I want to crush those selfish thoughts and aim to always look to God and to the well-being of those around me. Servant, servant, servant, servant, servant, servant.  Always a servant to my King who will give me all good things in His time.

I Know God is Gentle

image by John Fagan

I know that God is gentle

'Cause I feel Him in the breeze,

See Him in the drifting clouds

And quiet, flowing streams,

Peaceful singing of the birds

Just because they like to,

There's so much silence to be heard

And sunbeams to delight you.

I know God is gentle 

'Cause I've felt the misty rain,

Mighty mountains standing still,

Seasons' fluid change.

Kindness turned my selfish heart,

Patience dispelled fear,

That's how I know that God is gentle

And that He is right here.


- Rachel Fagan

Friends Don't Let Friends Walk in Darkness

I have a shirt that says "Friends Don't Let Friends Walk in Darkness" and on the back it has the following verse:

1John 1:5-7 The Message

God is light, pure light; there’s not a trace of darkness in him.

6-7 If we claim that we experience a shared life with him and continue to stumble around in the dark, we’re obviously lying through our teeth—we’re not living what we claim. But if we walk in the light, God himself being the light, we also experience a shared life with one another, as the sacrificed blood of Jesus, God’s Son, purges all our sin.

The questions that arise to me are:  What is this Darkness?  What is this light?

I think this verse is speaking of accountability. 

To me, darkness is sin, deception, dishonesty and death.  Unfortunately it is easy for even Christians to walk in this darkness.

The light is accountability, honesty and vigilance to be near God and His people. It brings life.  

For me, living "in the light" means I talk about everything that's going on with me - the good and the bad.  I let others judge and encourage me.  I choose a friend - not always the same one - who I trust, someone who loves me and I know who seeks God and will tell me the truth. 

I feel so refreshed and inspired when a friend helps free me from my demons. 

We all have them! It's important to remember there is nothing new under the sun.

This walking in the light also includes sharing the good as well, sharing our dreams and goals and joys.  How fortunate is the one who has friends who will not simply smile and nod and allow them to go down the wrong path but will help guide them along the best paths.

- Rachel Fagan

Gain From Pain

You know those memories where you felt bad?  When someone said something to you or it's something they've said multiple times to you.  An instance I think of is when I was struggling with something and my mom would say,

"I don't know how to help you."

I would feel so helpless and a bit let-down, almost like she was giving up on me.  It wasn't a pleasant place to be.  Thinking of it now, to me it was pretty impressive that she could admit that, even though hearing it was not fun.  Some parents try to just throw out some solution or tell you to get over it when really they just don't know what to do.

I wouldn't want someone else to have to feel that pain, that moment of helplessness, stuck in the goo of the problem with no solution.

I am tempted in a situation where a friend wants an answer to try to fix it or to say, "I can't talk to you about this anymore" - the former wouldn't help and the latter would certainly be giving up on her which is exactly what I do not want her to feel.

When my mom said "I don't know how to help you", maybe she wasn't giving up on me.  Maybe she was just telling the truth.  Maybe that gooey, tough place of turmoil is actually good.  Maybe I am in the good place I'm in now because I had to go through those bad feelings, those times of helplessness and NOT having all the answers all the time!!

Oh, that we would learn to do hard things and trust that the result will be golden.  If we could go through pain and have others say "I don't know how to help you" and then look back and realize things turned out ok how much more fearless would we be?


- Rachel Fagan

I Love My Little Closet

Singing is always how I express my happiness and praise to God.

I Love My Little Closet

- Rachel Fagan

How Do We Forgive Our Fathers?

How do we forgive our Fathers?
Maybe in a dream
Do we forgive our Fathers for leaving us too often or forever
when we were little?

Maybe for scaring us with unexpected rage
or making us nervous
because there never seemed to be any rage there at all.

Do we forgive our Fathers for marrying or not marrying our Mothers?
For Divorcing or not divorcing our Mothers?

And shall we forgive them for their excesses of warmth or coldness?
Shall we forgive them for pushing or leaning
for shutting doors
for speaking through walls
or never speaking
or never being silent?

Do we forgive our Fathers in our age or in theirs
or their deaths
saying it to them or not saying it?

If we forgive our Fathers what is left?

I believe this poem is so good.  None of us have had perfect lives or perfect relationships and there is nothing we can do to change the past.  There is something we can do.  God is the only perfect father and He is always there for us and he will help us do what we have to:  forgive.

Let it Grow

I'm making some huge-to-me steps in my life.  I've been seeking the Lord for months and I have to believe that this direction is His leading, but I'm afraid.
I'm afraid that it's not His will for me.  I'm afraid I'm running ahead of Him.  I'm afraid that I'll become confused, that things others say will become apart of me when they shouldn't.

God says don't be afraid.  I believe that is my calling:  to learn to not be afraid and to learn to love perfectly because "perfect love casts out fear".

In the past I have taken the plunge and did not regret it.  I have learned things everywhere God has taken me.  If I go with Him, it cannot be wrong.

I must follow His spirit and listen to it.  I don't have to figure out what's right and what's wrong, I just have to follow Him. In the Bible it talks about the fruit of the spirit and I take that to mean that wherever God's spirit is, these things will grow:  joy, peace, love, endurance, patience, faithfulness, self-control.

I believe that whoever has these things inside of them has the spirit of God and is full of life.

In my Family we have another word for the fruit of the spirit and that is the word I just said: Life.

We believe when God's spirit is there, it brings life. The life-giving spirit of God makes goodness grow.  I think of it as a plant.

So I've grown up with people who strongly believe this fruit of the spirit/life thing.  It has benefited us countless times in getting to know God and being led by Him.

Sometimes God's spirit comes as a blast of encouragement, power to go on and continue in good works. Other times it's wrenching tearful pain like that when you have been convicted to cease sinning.  You'll know the common thread between these two aspects of the spirit of God by what they produce:  growth.  Like that beautiful, perfect plant.

It's like the sun some days and other days it's like dark, thunderous rains and all produce a magnificent product.

Contrariwise, just because something sounds encouraging or convicting, doesn't mean it's God's spirit saying it.  The way we know whether it is God is if we see that little green plant growing up out of it.

And now, back to the beginning and in conclusion, I will not be afraid.  I will trust in my good God.  I will rely on His spirit and I will not feel bad rejecting anything that I do not see bringing life.
He is good.

He is Kind

Your mercy, Lord...

It's what I've been singing about for a year or more.

God is so good!! He's so good to me!! He has blessed me so much!  I live for Him.

Today, I was told by the financial administrator in my village that she had some good news for me.  I was surprised and had an inkling of what that good news might be, but I didn't allow myself to hope too much.

I have been feeling for a while that I want a change.  That I want something different, that I'm unsatisfied, that I want to go. But where?  When?  How?  What do I need to do?  What is the will of my God?

It seems that every year, I am looking for the next thing and though to me that sometimes sounds like I am an ungrateful child with a short attention span, other times I feel that this is what it's like to be on a journey towards my destiny.  Following God, I believe He does have the next thing and the next thing for me.  I believe He's bringing me closer and closer to extraordinary things and this morning has solidified that belief for me.

I've prayed and prayed and meditated and been still and listened.  God brought me to the decision that would best glorify Him and was quite the practical point:  get out of debt.  I cannot move on or start something new unless I finish what I've started where I am.  Right here.  I kept feeling that God wanted me to be still and keep doing what I'm doing.  

Almost three years ago I was starting a business and did not even think about the fact that one is not going to make money in the beginning.  I got into debt with rent.  They told me I could pay what I could and just owe them.  They gave me a discount.  For several months, I was struggling.  I took on another job in another city which started out slow, but proved to be a very good place for me to be.  Income was still patchy and up and down.  On down slopes, I get really anxious and worry whether I'm in the right place doing the right thing.  Trying to work everything out.  There were times when I just forgot about rent. 

Then I got motivated.  I wanted to go to Ireland, I wanted to make changes in my life - possibly move closer to the new job that I love.  

After all the praying and going over my finances over and over I did realize I needed to focus, focus, focus and throw every extra penny to my rent (little bit of an exaggeration, I still spent little bits of money here and there on extraneous things) Every time I got payed at work I would look at my budget and subtract that, and then whatever was left I wrote a check to rent.

So this morning, I walked to the finance office with my checkbook because Tuesdays is "pay-rent-day" and on the way, I talked to God and had a conversation that I often have with Him lately.  I said,

"God, you are so good to me!  You have provided for me in so many ways!! I praise you because you bless me more than I could ever thank you for!  You've given me jobs that I can work hard at and reap rewards, but my reward is in heaven."

She said she had good news about my finances.  The financial structure is going through changes and new things are on the horizon as far as rent goes.  The finance committee is analyzing everything and asking how the young people are doing payment-wise.  They saw that I am behind but that I have been faithful with writing checks for months. 

They told me that because of my faithfulness, they would cut my debt in half and not invoice me in March.  I would have a month to pay off that debt.

Praise the Lord!  He grants pardon and rewards those who are faithful.  He is so kind!  I'm so grateful and just feel that it is an inspiration from God to keep going and to remember He loves me and has more for me!

Your Mercy, Lord

A tune came to me not long ago and wouldn't leave.  I needed words so I pieced together something from a conversation I had had with a client at work.  She had asked what is one attribute of God that has meant something to me in my life. This song came from that.  

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Your mercy, Lord,
It covers me,
Your love
It wraps around me,
Your forgiveness, Lord,
It is incredible,
Your kindness, Lord,
It is enough.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You're all that I seek,
You're all I will find,
You've hedged me before,
You've hedged me behind.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

You know who I am,
You know all I do,
You've blessed me so much,
And I'll live for You.

Oh oh oh oh oh oh

Slave to Whom?

We know what sin is.  We know what God considers sin.  We know the things we're not supposed to do.  I will speak out of my own experience because I strongly believe this is something I should primarily speak out of.  I know what sin is.  I know what I'm not supposed to do.

I have struggled with sin lately.  I have questioned whether the thing I want to do really is sin.  How do we know it's sin?  Why can't I do it without feeling bad about it?   Why does God have to treat me like a slave and tell me what I can and can't do?

Well I have an answer for myself.  I asked God about it.  The thing is this:  the sin is almost irresistible, if I do not resist, I inevitably go on ahead full throttle, no stopping it.  I am a slave.  It controls me and I have to do it.  Unless, I make a choice.

I can make a choice to believe that God wants me to be free of everything that would bind me, namely, my enemy Satan whose ultimate goal is to bind me in anyway he can.  I can choose to believe that the things God does not want me to do, will hurt me in the end and that it is Love that asks me not to do those things that hurt me.

I can choose to submit to the One who has life and love for me.  Why would I choose the other guy?  He doesn't want good for me!  When I give in to sin, I am making the choice to submit to Satan, my enemy.  When I choose to turn away, I submit to my King who loves me.

So next time I wish to ask

"Is this really a sin?  Why shouldn't I?"

I will reply

"Well, is it controlling you?  Is it giving life and making you grow?"

If the answer is "yes" to the first then it is not something I want to be doing.  If the answer is "no" to the second, it is something I should cease immediately.

O, Lord, we cannot save ourselves.  We cannot conquer without Your grace.  Keep us, O Lord, from the things that ensnare us

That Scary Word, "Change" - but I love it!

Making changes.  Scary changes.  Seems like I often write when I'm sad, angry or nervous.

Well, I am nervous because I've said it and I've written it.  I'm making changes.  

Every year seems to have new dreams new goals and things I've never thought of before.  

As I learn about what's inside me and what I can offer, dreams and goals start to shape up!

It's exciting and scary.

Thinking of closing my business, moving away, following avenues of creativity.  There's so much I've gotten to do that others haven't and so much that others have gotten to do that I haven't.

My only concern is that once I tie up the ties and wrap up the wraps that I will just start floating along, lazy, doing nothing.

There's a quote I've been thinking about that says

"Learn to rest, not to quit."  

I'm scared that I'm quitting but the truth is, I'm just making some changes.  I've been overwhelmed and would like to take a little more control of my life.  I'd like to have a little more order and a little more of a choice.

I want to blast off!  I want to surround myself with people and things that make me more.  

Oh, God.  I pray that in letting go of the things I've had for so long, that I'm not letting go of you and swimming out into the sea alone.

You are my God.  I am Yours and I believe in who You are and who You are creating me to be!

~~~~

So, right now, everything is fuzzy and pink.  I dream of not working two massage jobs and hopefully catching up on getting massages myself.  I dream of working at the Lift gym and some other job that I enjoy.  

Some would think me crazy for choosing this but I actually want to take a shot at rocking a waitressing job.  Another idea is that I'd like to work in a women's fashion store.

I dream of living in the city where there's more to do, more opportunities.  I want the opportunity to sing in more places and maybe even teach dance.  I want to get into some groups such as young adult groups at churches.  

I love bookstores and coffee shops.

Really soon I want to talk with the chamber of commerce and pitch my idea for my new business that is everything I love.  (It's a secret for now, but I'll call it MHP) Everyone I talk to about MHP gets excited!  I am excited.  I don't know how the hell I'm going to do it but I know that this would be AWESOME!

I dream about living in a place where I can have a cat or two.  I need something to love and call my own, my baby. 

Nothing to do with moving but I want to get a new phone because mine is broken. I've NEVER actually spent money on a phone.  I've had three and they were either given to me or cheapo junk.  I want to get contacts, maybe...aaa not really important.