Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Living With Other People


Living with other people* has taught me so much in 21 years:

#1.  Don't worry or be afraid.
#2.  Talking honestly and a lot is important! Consider the affect your words have on others.
#3.  Laugh, dream.
#4.  Be gentle and patient with animate and inanimate objects.
#5.  Be a lady.
#6.  Work hard and be disciplined.
#7.  People will talk differently, do things differently and like different things than you and that's OK.
#8.  You can't make anybody do anything, you have to respect everyone.
#9.  People have different perspectives that will surprise you and help immensely in life.
#10. God is love and His greatest expectation of us is love.  Love is patience, kindness, forgiveness, mercy, trust, protection.

There's so much more but this is the tidy, 10.

*I live in an "intentional" Christian community.  We live on about 120 acres of beautiful country in mobile homes.  Though it is now one family per house on average, growing up I have lived in houses with one or more families plus grandparents and single people in the mix at times.  Our number one belief is that God wants us to be a gracious and kind family seeking Him in everything.

Monday, August 10, 2015



Tall people want to be shorter, short people want to be taller, fair people want to be tanner, dark people want to be lighter, straight haired people want to have curly hair, curly haired people want to have straight hair, big breasted women want smaller breasts, small breasted women want larger breasts and on and on.

Wow, we think about our outer person a lot like that!  What if there were no mirrors or photos? What if we weren't so aware of our outward appearances and what if we didn't compare our outward appearances to others?  What if we just lived our lives doing and reading and giving and working and creating and learning.

It seems like we have this goal (whether we realize or not) to be the same as everyone else. That's what would happen if it were in everyone's power to change everything about themselves that they could.  Everyone would be the same height, weight, everyone would have the same color hair and eyes.  There's plenty of weird futuristic movies where man has made a world like that.  You might feel that life would be easier if we were all the same.  Others wouldn't judge you, or make fun of you because they would be just like you.  You're right.  It probably would be easier, but God likes diversity.  That's why He made so many types of humans. And animals. And plants. And sunsets.

Sometimes I wish my eyes would only be looking out at the world and not down at myself.  I would be freer and maybe even more confident.  Thinking about myself, hoping people approve of how I look, what I do and say, keeps me from thinking of others.  I'm caught, trapped in myself where there's fear and anxiety.  I would rather stand up straight, listen to others, feel the moments and become in sync with the dance of life and interaction with them.  When I'm not thinking about what they think of me, I can truly live.  I can react the way I need to react in situations, I can be calm and wait for the opportune time that is coming my way, I can help others be free.

What is Freedom?



At age 14 my friends and I gave going away "blessing" for one of our peers.  We wanted to giver her meaningful gifts and show her she was loved and would be missed.

We all gave her something that represented our idea of freedom.  We wanted her to be free to be herself, free from worrying what others think about her.

This is something we all struggle with and our responses vary as much as we vary as human beings.

I know more about freedom now than I did when I was 14.

There is freedom in obeying Jesus Christ and here's why:  Jesus says to love one another and not be selfish.  So often it is my fear of what others think of me that holds me back from ever being all that I can be.  This is selfishness.   When my eyes are stuck on myself and how I want others to view me, I spiral down, down, down.

When I love and put others needs and what Jesus asks of me as my top priority, I am free.

Living for myself is slavery.

Sunday, July 26, 2015


When the world is not the way we want it to be, it is easy turn to the utilization of force in order to initiate change, but if we want the Garden of Eden, it is not through fire and brimstone that it will come, but by the gentle trickle of the stream that flows through the land and quietly makes the flowers grow.

Monday, July 13, 2015



"Please- don't." the woman said curtly.  I was just trying to be my silly self.  She had pricked my finger and I had pretended to cry out (not loudly, or anything, just mockingly like "aaa I'm going to die". Apparently she wasn't in the mood for fun and games.  I'm not sure why.  I know it's serious business but I was doing her and the crew and someone in the hospital a favor.  Maybe she could have acted a little happier about it.

Fifteen minutes before I had been driving the hour and a half drive home from massage school in Mississippi.  It was January and the weather was cool.  I think I had stopped for gas and there it was, the big RV/bus thing in the parking lot of Walmart.  I had heard how important it is for people to do their part and I had often thought of doing mine at some point.  Here was my chance.

I called mom to double check whether it would be a wise decision to give blood after a long day at school and right before having to drive the rest of the way home by myself.  Hey, I wanted to make sure my bases were covered.  She said it should be fine and gave her motherly "what to expect" advice. So I went ahead.


At first I wasn't sure where to enter or even if I should do so before talking to someone.  I figured out that I was supposed to go in the back side door.  Going into that RV kind of reminded me of the little fire drill day we had when I was seven.  The fire man let us hang out and watch a movie inside until the smoke alarm went off and the smoke machine puffed smoke into the room.  We all had to "escape".  Don't know why it made me think of that.

Anyway, after the grumpy lady took my info and a little blood test in the tiny cubicle of the RV I was allowed to go wait on the little bench until one of the donor beds was available.  I looked at a couple of brochures but didn't really comprehend what was written.  There were people coming in and going out and there were about four donor beds and two nurses.  The place was bright.  I had heard horror stories of people being stuck with needles multiple times and coming away in pain and bruised.


When it was my turn, the nurses doing the actual drawing of the blood were really great.  The one helping me asked me to get on the chair thing which was a blue vinyl covered, reclining chair with little minivan-style arm rests and a raised bottom end to support your knees.  The nurse cleaned the crook of my arm and got the needle ready.  I told her I had never been stuck before.  She put the tourniquet on and asked me to squeeze a rubber exerciser-thing (don't you love my terminology?)


There was a face clock on the wall near me. I love to keep track of time, so I observed it throughout the experience to see how long it took.

After I did several squeezes it was time for the needle to go in.  She told me I had really good veins.  Thanks.  I didn't watch as she did it but she had this great idea to tell me to take a deep breath like I was going under water.  It was amazing!  When I did that and she put the needle in I hardly noticed!  It was a little scary, though.  I don't know if I could do so well another time now that I know what will happen.  Taking a deep breath certainly makes it impossible to scream, so that's good.  Then I just had to squeeze the rubber thing every now and then and wait for the bag to fill with blood. Did you know de-oxygenated blood is NOT blue but simply dark, dark red?

I just hung out for a few.  Then the nurse came over to remove the needle.  That was the weird moment.  I felt totally fine even though that blood was outside my body, but the moment she cut off the flow by removing the needle it was like my body said "Whoa! Where'd it go?"

The nurse was very faithful to check on me, which was awesome.  I told her I felt a little weird.  I don't remember exactly how I felt but I think my eyes were getting those black-out splotches.  I looked at the clock until my eyes cleared up.  If I had tried to get up, I probably would have fallen right down.

  The nurse told me to rest there for a minute.  She put some gauze and blue tape over the little hole in my arm.  It wasn't really bleeding.  Then when I was ready, she watched as I slowly got up and walked to another little bench at the front end of the RV near the driver's seat.  Someone gave me a simple logo t-shirt and invited me to help myself to juice or cookies.  Oreos, I love you, I always have. I always will.



Then it was time to head home.  I was feeling fine.  I called mom to tell her about it.
I was smiling really big and taking selfies to try to capture what I felt.  I was happy and proud that I got through it quite painlessly.  At home I rested and watched tv because I felt tired and knew my body needed time to build that blood up again.




We are not perfect. We never have been, we never will be on this earth. The only way anything will ever be good is if *I* do my part in following God, seeking Him in everything and blaming no one for anything. For it is not flesh and blood that we battle, but powers and principalities. There is good and bad here because this is not Heaven.

Sunday, July 12, 2015

I like to read, but would rather write.
I like to listen, but would rather sing.
I like to watch, but would rather dance.

I guess I'm a doer, not so much a talker or a watcher.