Movies

I love movies.  I love to be told a story, I love watching people interact and I love piecing together the puzzles of their lives and problems...I like to be moved by performances on the screen and I like to think about how it affected me and why.
       Movies have helped shape who I am, I have emulated characters and they've become apart of me. My parents were very choosy about the movies I watched as a kid.  We didn't watch TV or movies until I was, like, 8 years old and today, I am still picky about what I watch and I praise what is good and pure and despise the things that are wicked.  That, I believe is the difference between being innocent or being pure.  Innocent means you don't know what evil is, pure means you know what it is but do not choose to be like it.

          Some people are very "conservative" and they don't watch any movies, or they only watch Christian-made films or they don't watch movies that have things like magic or "witchcraft."  I think in this way, you can keep your kids innocent, but I don't believe that is God's goal for us forever. God wants us to be pure.  In the world but not of the world.   This video by Paul Pavao really defines this thought.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=INJ2UIALQJA

        I am not afraid of the media.  My criteria is this:

• I will not watch movies that are based on sexual immorality or that make light of it and put it off as an OK thing.
• I do not watch movies that are very violent, bloody for the sole sake of being violent and bloody nor do I watch movies that are meant to scare you (one of my life's goals is to be fear-free)
• Must have good acting, a good story that makes sense and of course lots of meaning.

          So I watch movies and I let them inspire and influence me to do good.
If you spy on me when I'm by myself working on something or washing dishes, you'd see me imagining movies in my mind and acting out and quoting the characters that I've seen on the screen.

You will notice several movie posts in my blog :)  I have done one on Emma starring Gwyneth Paltrow, Phantom of the Opera starring Gerard Butler, The Sound of Music starring Julie Andrews and will soon do one on Les Miserables starring Hugh Jackman.

The Kindness of Good Mentors and Changing Your Life's Path

              I was just listening to all my songs on Spotify and I'll tell you IT IS RANDOM!
I have everything from 1980's Christian to Pentatonix.

A song from Sound of Music came on and I'd like to share with you how I feel about the beginning of the movie which takes place at the convent.

The song "Maria" is sung by the nuns in the Abbey and they are discussing and complaining about young Maria's trouble-making nature.
She's always late for everything and seems more likely to seek fun rather than prayer-time.

       "How do you solve a problem like Maria?"

Some of the nuns were defensive of Maria and said that they liked her, some were quick to condemn her and make her out to be the problem that she was.

All agreed that she often caused trouble for herself and the others at the convent.

The Reverend-Mother was one of the ones defending her.

She was kind and said that Maria was not a devil she was just a girl (who still needs to grow and learn).

                                        

Later, Maria is summoned to the Reverend-Mother's office and she goes with much fear and trepidation because she knows how much she falls short. 

She tells the Mother that she will work harder to do everything right but she is interrupted.

  The Mother tells her in the most kind, merciful way that life in the convent is obviously not for her and in the most regal and powerful way (Opera, to be exact) the Mother tells her to go seek a new dream even if she has to climb every mountain to find it.

I find this to be so beautiful.  Even though the mother herself is not very beautiful and even though most people aren't into Opera nowadays, I was impressed by the Mother's kindness and how she did not judge Maria harshly for not measuring up to the standards of the Abbey. 

She believed that God has a place for all of us and it is OK if your place is different than mine!

Also she showed Maria and myself that sometimes in life, you have to change direction and go down a different path even thought it may be terrifying and disappointing at first.  

I may feel like a failure in the place I'm leaving, but it's not true.  

We have to find the way and it won't look how we think it will look.

All This Time

I've tried to think back to the "first moment when I believed in God."  I have gone back to an almost dreamlike moment that I suppose must have been the moment.

I guess I was about four or five and (this memory is so vague) I was doing school with one of the women in our church because we all home-schooled together in unique ways.
I remember standing there in the sun and just feeling overcome by a knowledge of the presence of God and I started to cry and they asked me why I was crying and I couldn't explain it.

I don't know if this memory is real or if this really was "the moment".  All I can say is that as long as I remember, I have just had a very special relationship with God.

I remember so much of my childhood and how tumultuous it was to have parents who were struggling in their marriage and not understanding much of life.  There were times when I felt so alone and so many times I would cry in my room, bitter tears.  I drew a picture once of a girl crying on her bed and the great, invisible hand of God was holding her.

(This is not my picture, this is from thevirtuousgirl.org)

I believe I have always felt things so deeply and thought about things to an extent others wouldn't.  I remember every mistake I've ever made and yet know that each one has caused me to grow.  He has saved me from myself over and over and I feel that no matter what, if I keep following Him, He will redeem everything because "all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called

I don't know if I knew God because I was told about Him or because I was surrounded by people who were trying with all their might to find Him, but I believe that I have always felt that He was there and that He loved me and that overwhelms me.

As I have grown up I have been trained to think in a particular way.  I have been encouraged to not taking things for granted.  I have deeply considered the fact that God formed me inside the mother that I was born to, that He ordered my parents lives and led them to the church through my birth and that it is no accident that I grew up where I did.  These facts give way to the awareness that He chose me and that He is still writing the story of my life and ordering my steps from here on out.

(from WebMD)

I consider it a miracle that I have lived where I do.  I could have been born to another family in another place, in an ordinary place and lived an ordinary life.  I could have been born in a bad place and lived a terrible life.

I love where I live, I love where I am in my life.  I love the future and I trust that it will be amazing.
I know that hard things must be on their way - perhaps even terrible things - but I know God is with me.

I have friends who grew up here with me.  Some of them have left this life behind and have said that they have not seen enough proof that God exists.

If anyone ever tried to convince me that God doesn't exist and to stop believing in Him, that would be such a foreign idea to me.   How could I say I don't believe in the one Who has been with me for 21 years, Who loves me and does so much for me and Whom I love?  That would be like telling me to break up with my One True Love.

(from bellanaija.com)

I have just known Him and belonged to him.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that knowledge so deeply rooted in them from the beginning.

I am grateful.

 Britt Nicole's song "All This Time" says it all.  I can't believe it!

I hear these people asking me

How do I know what I believe?

Well I'm not the same me

And that's all the proof I need

I felt love, I felt Your grace

You stole my heart that day

You've been walking with me all this time.

Britt Nicole

True Love in Emma the Movie in 1996

           The 1996 film Emma is quite possibly my favorite movie and quite definitely my favorite version of the Jane Austen classic novel.  

The impeccable casting, general story-line and the ways in which it relates to my own life have most endeared it to my heart.

       Some of the main actors and actresses are Gwyneth Paltrow, Jeremy Northam, Ewan McGregor, Denys Hawthorne and Sophie Thompson.  Every actor was outstanding at portraying their parts and I have a hard time watching other versions and accepting other portrayals of these characters.

The story is about a young woman named Emma who claims to have skills in the art of match-making.

She meddles in the lives of her friends and acquaintances in order to make these matches and ultimately makes a mess.  

Her actions cause pain and all manner of awkward situations for herself and her friends.  Though she is a kind and thoughtful person, she can also be judge-mental and proud.

She learns a lot through the course of the story especially through the council of her former governess, Mrs. Weston (Greta Scacchi) and her friend Mr. Knightley who is like a brother to her.

Mr. Knightley is played by Jeremy Northam.  I thought he portrayed the Mr. Knightly perfectly.  

He was quiet, very kind and respectful.  He would speak up against wrongdoings and always spoke up about the good in people.  He was not selfish.  He had a warm smile and used it a lot.

Once Emma said something unkind to Ms. Bates, a lady in the town who was unpopular because of her annoying nature.  Mr. Knightley was immediately kind to Ms. Bates and then chastised Emma about it afterward, saying that Ms. Bates is poor and deserved more compassion than that.  

Much later, Mr. Knightley told Emma he had faith that she was more than her actions had suggested.

"It is not pleasant for me to say these things, but I must while I still can, proving my self your friend through the most faithful council."

He hated to make her cry and was visibly worried she would hate him for his honesty, but he held his ground.

Then there was Frank Churchill who was a show-off, flirt and used people and the Eltons were disrespectful and selfish.
Mr. Knightley was deeply offended by these people.

        

Mr. Elton snubbed poor Harriet at the ball just because he knew she had a crush on him.  Mr. Knightley saw this and immediately asked her dance making everything better.  So he was kind and respectful to all, no matter what they thought of him.  

He wasn't afraid that people would get the wrong idea...Harriet thought he was in love with her just because he was kind. 

Of course he wasn't in love with her but he did the right thing anyway and it all worked out in the end.  He was kind to the underdog, and those who were weak and unpopular.
He thought of and spoke well of most people.

 In the end, Emma realizes that she does not see Mr. Knightley as just a brother and that he is the only one who she could ever see herself matched with.
Meanwhile Mr. Knightley has been considering her in the same way.  He seeks the council of others and then goes and tells Emma he loves her.  She is so happy but feels "so mistaken in her make-up to deserve him".  He contradicts her saying that he too is not perfect and he loves her.

I love this ending because so often I feel like a big mess, always making mistakes, saying things I should not say.  I have been so fortunate to have people who would come to me and correct me. 

I love how Mr. Knightley was honest with her about her flaws but saw past them and loved her anyway.   I love how he always fought for what was right no matter what.

The Lion and the Lamb

I saw some lions at the University of Alabama.  They were the mascot of the school.
There was an inner cage where the lions were and an outer cage with a pathway between for workers.

There was a woman sitting on a lawn chair in that pathway between the cages and she was reading.   We soon found out that she was the lion keeper.  She was so nice and answered all of our questions. I
I asked,

"Would it be healthy for the lions to follow natural instincts and be allowed to chase and eat live animals?"

She told me that for all our safety, they have kept that carnivorous instinct in the background of the lions psyche and explained that they have been given cat food especially formulated for lions since they were young.

It totally made sense.  They were basically like house cats - powerful, big, house cats.

This got me thinking about us and our nature.

As a single woman after God's heart, I want to be a devoted, spiritual being whose natural being is under submission to the spirit.

Sexuality is one way I struggle.  I desire to share earthly intimacy and pleasure with another person, but I am single and that is something I cannot have right now.

The world says that it is natural and healthy to give in to any kind of desire especially sexual desires. The world says to do what you want and what feels good and they think that anyone who doesn't is weird or messed up.

I think of those human passions in me like the carnivorous nature of the lion.
It is best to deny the pet lion's violent, carnivorous nature for the good of all.  It is possible and okay to deny him this, therefore it must be possible and okay to deny myself sexual pleasure as godly singleness requires.

It can be hard at times and do you know what makes it harder?
Think about the lion.  What if they let him smell a bloody zebra leg but didn't let him have it?
That would be cruel and unsafe.   His carnivorous nature would kick in. He would want it and would probably fight for it.  Things would go downhill fast.

I am doing just that to myself when act on sexual desires and when I watch movies that contain romantic and sexual themes
I am waving that zebra leg in front of myself while I can't have it and it leaves me sad and unsatisfied.

I would not give much thought to my sexual desires if I was focused on
all my other desires in this life:   praising and glorifying God,
working hard at the things He has given me, learning, creating and taking care of others.

 I find it kind of frustrating how easy and acceptable it is for us to harm ourselves with the things of the world.
Mom loves those romantic movies and knows I do too, and she recommends this one or that one to me.
I watch them, love them, then I am tormented when I see the couple dancing and kissing.
Watching romantic movies when I was younger awakened me to desires for things I would have to wait for for years to come.  I worry about my little sisters watching that and how they must struggle like I do.  Maybe, like me, they won't know it's a struggle until later after it has all gone in.

So, I feel that I would like to not do it anymore.  I feel that I can be more satisfied with what I am given if I stop dwelling on what I cannot have.

I want to be contented like a lamb, free from disappointed longings.

No Negative Words

Is it permissible to often speak ill of one's self? In front of one's children? In front of one's friends? Is it permissible to insult oneself or always say what a mess you are?

I have heard it said that how you treat yourself affects how you treat others. That statement can be taken in many different ways. I have heard people urge parents to not speak ill of themselves to their kids because it can leave them confused about what is true.

If a child believes her mother to be wonderful and beautiful and wise and then the mother says of herself that she is ugly, stupid or fat, even in a joking way, what affect will this have?

Well, I have often noticed that what a parent says, is what a child will say.  Parents should not say anything they do not want their children repeating.

My own mother used to tell a story about when she was "big-as-a-house-pregnant".

One day when I was relating the same story to a pregnant friend, it didn't even cross my mind how offensive that term was until I had said it and my friend's surprised response made me realize.

Mom would tell the story like that because she figured she was talking about herself and it didn't matter how insulting it was, but it does matter! It matters a lot!  As a child, I assumed if mom said it, it must be ok.

We should be an example of kindness and respect with our words even when talking about ourselves and especially in front of those who will be shaped by our words.

Here's another example:  when one is presenting something to an employer or in a group,
if effort was put into it, one should not stand there and say
"Well it's not so good " in hopes that the employer will like it anyway.
If the judge agrees with your negative comments, it will leave you frustrated,
so why suggest that it is "not so good" in the first place?

 Be confident in the belief that you worked hard to make something good. Let them be the judge and then deal with it if the outcome is not favorable, but do not set yourself up for the undesirable outcome.

Negativity about yourself is just false modesty or an attempt to motivate yourself through guilt to change - and that doesn't work.  Whenever I have fallen into talking negatively about myself, my friends have always been there to say:
"Don't do that! Learn from your mistakes and move on, don't sit around thinking about them"

Lets not be negative - about anyone.

I Just Want to Live There

I just want to go here and run across those hills!!

I just want to live in that house and run down to the beach for a picnic and sit on this hill and paint it all with an easel and canvas. 

I just want to sit and stare at this lake and the mountains and breathe it all in.

The Choice to Love

You know those little things that people ask you to do or not do because it bothers them or annoys them?
 These things may seem ridiculous and nonsensical.
Our perceptions are so different and the next time something is annoying to you, they may not be able to make sense of it either.

We question why it's so important to that person, but the fact is, it is important to them.
I believe that if you love someone, something that is important to them will be important to you no matter how silly it seems.  It is a choice to actively love and make that person feel loved.  It's the little things that matter.

So I say this to you and to myself: if I do not respect the things that are important to others, then how can I expect others to respect the things that are important to me?