No Negative Words

Is it permissible to often speak ill of one's self? In front of one's children? In front of one's friends? Is it permissible to insult oneself or always say what a mess you are?

I have heard it said that how you treat yourself affects how you treat others. That statement can be taken in many different ways. I have heard people urge parents to not speak ill of themselves to their kids because it can leave them confused about what is true.

If a child believes her mother to be wonderful and beautiful and wise and then the mother says of herself that she is ugly, stupid or fat, even in a joking way, what affect will this have?

Well, I have often noticed that what a parent says, is what a child will say.  Parents should not say anything they do not want their children repeating.

My own mother used to tell a story about when she was "big-as-a-house-pregnant".

One day when I was relating the same story to a pregnant friend, it didn't even cross my mind how offensive that term was until I had said it and my friend's surprised response made me realize.

Mom would tell the story like that because she figured she was talking about herself and it didn't matter how insulting it was, but it does matter! It matters a lot!  As a child, I assumed if mom said it, it must be ok.

We should be an example of kindness and respect with our words even when talking about ourselves and especially in front of those who will be shaped by our words.

Here's another example:  when one is presenting something to an employer or in a group,
if effort was put into it, one should not stand there and say
"Well it's not so good " in hopes that the employer will like it anyway.
If the judge agrees with your negative comments, it will leave you frustrated,
so why suggest that it is "not so good" in the first place?

 Be confident in the belief that you worked hard to make something good. Let them be the judge and then deal with it if the outcome is not favorable, but do not set yourself up for the undesirable outcome.

Negativity about yourself is just false modesty or an attempt to motivate yourself through guilt to change - and that doesn't work.  Whenever I have fallen into talking negatively about myself, my friends have always been there to say:
"Don't do that! Learn from your mistakes and move on, don't sit around thinking about them"

Lets not be negative - about anyone.