All This Time

I've tried to think back to the "first moment when I believed in God."  I have gone back to an almost dreamlike moment that I suppose must have been the moment.

I guess I was about four or five and (this memory is so vague) I was doing school with one of the women in our church because we all home-schooled together in unique ways.
I remember standing there in the sun and just feeling overcome by a knowledge of the presence of God and I started to cry and they asked me why I was crying and I couldn't explain it.

I don't know if this memory is real or if this really was "the moment".  All I can say is that as long as I remember, I have just had a very special relationship with God.

I remember so much of my childhood and how tumultuous it was to have parents who were struggling in their marriage and not understanding much of life.  There were times when I felt so alone and so many times I would cry in my room, bitter tears.  I drew a picture once of a girl crying on her bed and the great, invisible hand of God was holding her.

(This is not my picture, this is from thevirtuousgirl.org)

I believe I have always felt things so deeply and thought about things to an extent others wouldn't.  I remember every mistake I've ever made and yet know that each one has caused me to grow.  He has saved me from myself over and over and I feel that no matter what, if I keep following Him, He will redeem everything because "all things work together for the good of those who love God and are called

I don't know if I knew God because I was told about Him or because I was surrounded by people who were trying with all their might to find Him, but I believe that I have always felt that He was there and that He loved me and that overwhelms me.

As I have grown up I have been trained to think in a particular way.  I have been encouraged to not taking things for granted.  I have deeply considered the fact that God formed me inside the mother that I was born to, that He ordered my parents lives and led them to the church through my birth and that it is no accident that I grew up where I did.  These facts give way to the awareness that He chose me and that He is still writing the story of my life and ordering my steps from here on out.

(from WebMD)

I consider it a miracle that I have lived where I do.  I could have been born to another family in another place, in an ordinary place and lived an ordinary life.  I could have been born in a bad place and lived a terrible life.

I love where I live, I love where I am in my life.  I love the future and I trust that it will be amazing.
I know that hard things must be on their way - perhaps even terrible things - but I know God is with me.

I have friends who grew up here with me.  Some of them have left this life behind and have said that they have not seen enough proof that God exists.

If anyone ever tried to convince me that God doesn't exist and to stop believing in Him, that would be such a foreign idea to me.   How could I say I don't believe in the one Who has been with me for 21 years, Who loves me and does so much for me and Whom I love?  That would be like telling me to break up with my One True Love.

(from bellanaija.com)

I have just known Him and belonged to him.

Not everyone is fortunate enough to have that knowledge so deeply rooted in them from the beginning.

I am grateful.

 Britt Nicole's song "All This Time" says it all.  I can't believe it!

I hear these people asking me

How do I know what I believe?

Well I'm not the same me

And that's all the proof I need

I felt love, I felt Your grace

You stole my heart that day

You've been walking with me all this time.

Britt Nicole