Adulting Like a Boss to Glorify God

Oftentimes I feel like my mind is overloaded.  Call it what you will:  ADD...genius...being an adult.  As a young adult there is a lot of slack I'm having to take up since moving out of mom's house.
It can be overwhelming and I feel this stage is one I just have to go through asking lots of questions and making lots of mistakes.  Ugghh.

Sometimes I get what I call the "Summer Break" mentality where I forget important responsibilities and spend time dreaming about and planning fun things to do.  It sounds terrible.

I guess I'm just wishing I could be a kid again.  It scares (or rather saddens) me to see myself becoming a tired, stressed out adult who works all the time.

BUT I need to "face reality", apply myself and make sure the important things get done and I'll tell you why I feel this way.

There have been times at work when I don't think ahead about scheduling.  I have waffled back and forth as to whether I will take a day off for something that I want to take a day off for.  At those times I was trying to be responsible by trying not to miss a day.  I did not communicate assertively ahead of time on things like this.

Recently, I had a deadline to get something done in a two or three day time-frame and because it was new, unfamiliar and I would have to work to get it done, it didn't happen, I forgot.
When I make those mistakes over and over I make things more difficult for others and for myself.

I think a lot of times I am the one who is affected because I realize the choices I made, sometimes subconsciously, and I become disappointed in myself and very anxious that others are judging me for it.
I want so badly to fix it and never do it again, but trying so hard to get my mind in the right place to prevent future incidents never works.

I have come down to this:  When I do not apply myself even, if it's hard and maybe boring, I cause difficulty for others because of it and therefore I do not bring glory to God.
Who is going to look at me, the person who did not make an effort, and say
   
                 "Wow, where does she get her awesomeness!"  No, they're going to think

                 "Wow, she only cares about herself!" and if I say I'm a Christian, how will that go over?

No, if I do great work and make things better for the people around me, they will marvel and ask

                 "Where does she get it?"  The answer will be:   God.

That is enough reason for me to change my ways.  I live to glorify Him, and when my actions do the opposite, I must change that.

Actually, I must take a deep breath, apologize to God and pray that He delivers me from myself.
When the chance comes again to work hard on something unpleasant, I must remember this moment and how I want to be different.

Why I Don't Wear Bikinis

This article expresses my heart on the matter of modesty and particularly my choice of swimwear.

The Full Time Girl's "Less is Not More - Why I Don't Wear Bikinis"

http://www.thefulltimegirl.com/2013/06/18/less-is-not-more-why-i-dont-wear-a-bikini/

Marvels - Irish Girl for God

I cannot marvel at man's creation if it distracts from God's creation.

Letting the Sun Come Out

I cannot presume to know what it is like to be a parent, but I was a kid not too long ago and I remember what that feels like.  I have seen many, many different parents and the ways they interact with their kids.  I have worked with kids and observed how they respond to different interactions.

That being said I want to share something I feel very strongly.   Sometimes I see some parents who are really hard on their kids and by "hard" I mean that most of the time they are putting them down and treating them in a way that says:

                 "You're a failure.  Are you ever going to get it right?  You're stupid."

They may not think this is what they are saying, but it is.

It is good for kids to experience all the tough stuff in life.  It is good for parents to hold high standards for them, let them make mistakes and fall, but there must be a patience and a kindness that parents have that encourages the child to go on.

As a parent, you have to believe in what they could be and not focus on all the things you think are wrong with them.  You have to believe that they will succeed and you have to tell them that.
You have to remember that they are just starting out in life. They have to learn every little thing that you had to learn and it's going to take all the 30 years, give or take, that it took for you to learn it.

Laugh more than you yell, but laugh in a way that says:

             "I love you and it's not the end of the world that you messed up or can't get it right."

Tell them:

                "You'll get it!"

I think of harsh words and attitudes as a storm of lighting, rain, thunder and strong winds.  The sun is patience, kindness and a helping hand.  The child is a young tree.  If the storm's always raging, and the sun never comes out to warm and heal, the tree will die.
It will be uprooted or grow sickly, weak or angry.

These strong storms come every now and then, but let them be rare and make sure the sun always comes out afterwards.

Opening Up the Hope Gates

Lord, Jesus, help me to have
Open ears,
Open eyes,
Open hands,
An open mouth
And an open heart.

If I am closed, You cannot live through me.
If I do not be who you made me to be, You cannot work through me.
If I do not tell the truth about who I am and Who You are, You cannot love through me.

God spoke this to me the other day and I feel that I have a tool to be free of fear.  Fear shuts me down and causes me to close and not function.

 I had a rough day the other day, but I let it all out to a friend and then went to a ladies meeting in our church where we talk about our struggles and our joys.

I was so encouraged in that meeting because when we all come together in Christ, hopeless situations are filled with hope again!!   I felt that so strongly and I was so encouraged.

One woman shared about some spiritual struggles that were happening within her family, I knew the other women would have answers because we all have a piece of God and when we gather, He is there to help.

I listened with bated breath for the answer to my sisters struggle.  The answer was that we are here for her and the men in our church, her brothers, are too.  She was encouraged to reach out and get help from her brothers and sisters in the moment the the struggles start.
She does not have to stay stuck in it and afraid!

After that, I felt like God spoke a word to me, personally, to help with my fear.
That word was "open".

He told me to open my eyes to see people's needs, open my ears to hear them and the hidden meanings in the things they say, open my hands to give and serve, open my mouth to speak the truth and show others that I care, open my heart to others without fear, open my spirit so that God can flow through!!

Praise God!!!

I know I write a lot of crying posts.  I guess sadness is such a deep emotion it compels me to express it.

But here is where I want to PRAISE MY GOD!!!

He IS amazingly skilled at leading those He loves on the path to good things.

I was doing chair massages at the gym and not really getting much business.  It was weeks of being there and greeting people.  Finally I struck up a conversation with a physical trainer.  He was very nice once we got to talking.  He gave me a couple tips on how to get more business one in particular was checking out the bike race in a city North of us.  It was hosted by a much larger gym.

I called that gym to see if they needed a massage therapist for the bike races and they said they didn't know about that, but that they have had a need for another massage therapist to work IN the facility.  This job posting had been up for over a year, they said.

I started to look into it, but was hesitant because of the hour drive.  I was looking for part-time work in the newspaper and found a job for a cook.  Went to an interview for that and told the big gym I wanted to hold off on their offer.

Silly me!  Advice from friends led me to jump back on the idea of working at this very busy, quite established company.  In a span of a few days, I went for an initial interview at the new gym and am in the process of planning for orientation, etc. because they accepted my official application and I accepted their official job offer!!!

I feel that God has reserved this very thing for me.  I will finally be able to sufficiently pay my bills and save for the future.

Despite the hard stuff I'm learning, He is constantly leading me.  I think sometimes the very thing God has for you can seem to take a while and then BOOM it's yours.

That's how it was with my car.  I've been driving an old Buick and have been wanting a newer car for over a year - especially since it was totaled.

Mom and I did the search thing and she was so gung-ho about.  I, on the other hand, found it quite grueling.

Long-story-short, this Honda Accord popped up, mom found it and thought it was an awesome option.  We got it checked out by two people who know cars, they said it was good, so I bought it!

So far, it is A-mazing!  I know it was all God's blessing.

So I have a new job in a far away city and a GREAT car to get me there!

I PRAISE MY GOD!!! He is so good and He truly does work EVERYTHING together for my good.

I think it is all because I love Him and seek Him in everything...I need Him so much and I can't do without Him.  I want to be like the wind, He will blow me wherever He wills.

I cry because I used to be so inspired.  I used to believe in myself.  I used to think I could do anythings.

Now for no valid reason I have shrunk away into a tiny hole, afraid to move or speak with only the hot, worried feeling inside and an urgent compulsion to be free of it.

I feel that I am experiencing exactly what I saw a friend experience a few years ago.  I suppose it's called becoming an adult.  You move away from your parents - the water rings are removed and the swimming instructor virtually leaves you...out there...in the deep.

This must be the way that adults become adults.  Adults are known for their anxiety, fear, boring-ness and seriousness.
A child cannot fathom all the things that are going through the head of someone age 16 or older.  There is so much to think about, so much to figure out.
Along with all of those decisions comes all your emotions and the desires and plans you have for your life.

I don't want to become the kind of person who crawls into a hole when it comes to the important things like how you behave at work.
Sometimes I think the people at work must think I'm a great asshole because I am terrified to face them.

Sometimes I think it's not so bad and other times I kick myself because I feel like a great fearful fool who can't function.

I'm afraid others will see me that way.  My fear that they'll think I'm an idiot is the very thing that causes me to be one.

I hate that.

sigh............

I know...that God is the one I am supposed to rely on.   In the moment, I don't go to Him.  I wish I did.  I wish I was honest with the people in my life - the ones I'm afraid of.  I have no problem being honest with the ones I know and trust but it seems like putting myself out there with the ones I don't yet know is the very thing that will free me.

I seem to do fine with people who will tell me exactly what they're thinking.  It's the ones who I am constantly guessing about that cause me the most anxiety.

All in all, I guess I just need your prayer.  Will you pray for me?  I need Jesus.  I need His love to overwhelm me because it's there that I find freedom.

Tools for His Glory

I love the house I live in, I love the car I have, I love the new job that I'm bout to take up. I love my new glasses and I'm excited about the new hair cut I'm going to get tomorrow.

If and when I get this new job, I will have more money to pay my bills but also to buy the music and the clothes that I want.

I wonder if I am becoming too attached to the things of the world.
 I don't want to be like that. I've heard it said that the more a person has on this earth, the harder it is for him to leave it behind to follow Jesus.

So starting with my car, I would like to write a letter.

Dear Dubh,
 I want you to know that you are only a tool. You're a gift that the Lord has given me to get to places so that I can glorify Him. I will take care of you because you are a gift from God and if I don't take care of you I won't be able to go where He wants me to go.

When I work I can be a shining light of love and servanthood and humility therefore bringing glory to You, Lord.

When I earn money I can do as you want me to:  pay my bills, give to those who have need and save up to go to the places you want me to go.

I am so grateful for all your blessings. I find that when I glorify You and seek you, you are always right there at the perfect time to provide for everything I need.

I have clearly seen everything work together for my good every moment.

I feel so undeserving and inadequate but I pray  that i will not get in your way.

I Sing Because I'm Happy

A family member once told me to stop whistling and singing as I went down into the subway in a big city, that distinguishing myself in the crowd could get me mugged.  Again it is one of those moments where I feel I must directly oppose such statements because they stems directly from fear.

I say, I was called by Jesus to be the light of the world.  Many people are happy when they are near me because I am that light.

I will be wise in life, but if someone wants to kill me just because I'm full of joy, so be it.  I will not be controlled by and change my ways for fear.
 I trust in my Lord to protect me.  Jesus did not say:

             "Always be quiet and blend in to protect your body."

He said to count it joy when you are killed or tortured because of Him.

The Four Different Christians of Les Miserables

One of my favorite musicals Les Miserables. It's an emotional, historical drama based on the novel by Victor Hugo about a man named Jean Valjean who was arrested and imprisoned for 20 years for stealing bread for his impoverished family. The story follows Valjean on his journey from bitterness to redemption after his release from prison.  He breaks parole and therefore must spend his time trying to escape the ruthless Inspector Javert who imprisoned him in the first place.

The story twists and turns as Valjean builds a new life for himself with the help of God.
His story becomes intertwined with many including an employee of his and her daughter, revolutionaries seeking peace in France and all manner of dregs and heros.

I am so intrigued by this story with its wisdom and interesting plot-line.  I was particularly interested in the different examples of Christians I saw within the story.   I have never read the book, but I suspect the writer wanted to display these different aspects of what people think Christianity is.

The main character, Jean Valjean, is a man who was treated unjustly in the name of justice.
He was bitter and saw himself as a man whom the world was against.  When he got out of prison, things were hard  and could not find work as he had been labeled a dangerous man.  He was impoverished and resulted to dishonesty.  He had despaired of God and given up hope that God even cared about Him.

He is taken in one night by a priest who gives him food and a place to sleep.  The priest covers him in kindness and mercy even when he attempts to steal the church silver.   When Valjean is caught making off with it, the priest makes a gift out of the stolen goods and charges Valjean to use it to become an honest man.

Valjean does just that.  He becomes educated, changes his name to Monseur Lemehr and builds a business of his own providing employment to hundreds.  Soon he becomes a prominent and respected man in the city.  All the while he comes closer to God living in kindness, generosity and patience with his fellow man.

Inspector Javert is the one constantly on watch for and in search of the Jean Valjean.  Javert's lives by his belief that God hates sin and any sin must be punished ever after, no matter how great or small the sin was.  The fact that Valjean broke his parole especially ate him up.  To me, he is the kind of man who knows nothing of mercy but only believes that God is there to condemn.  

You even see him treat himself harshly when he thinks he made a mistake.  Perhaps his attitude towards law-breakers stems from the fact that he does not accept mercy for his own shortcomings.

There were couple other characters who called themselves Christians as well.  They were immoral thieves, abusive to children and just scum.  

They used the name Christian to try to sound good in order to get things they wanted from people. 

So, I thought it was very interesting to see portrayed the different examples of people who take the name Christian.  Obviously, I think the kindly priest was the true Christian.  He was merciful, kind, and changed Valjean's life by exhorting Him to do good.