Oftentimes I feel like my mind is overloaded. Call it what you will: ADD...genius...being an adult. As a young adult there is a lot of slack I'm having to take up since moving out of mom's house.
It can be overwhelming and I feel this stage is one I just have to go through asking lots of questions and making lots of mistakes. Ugghh.
Sometimes I get what I call the "Summer Break" mentality where I forget important responsibilities and spend time dreaming about and planning fun things to do. It sounds terrible.
I guess I'm just wishing I could be a kid again. It scares (or rather saddens) me to see myself becoming a tired, stressed out adult who works all the time.
BUT I need to "face reality", apply myself and make sure the important things get done and I'll tell you why I feel this way.
There have been times at work when I don't think ahead about scheduling. I have waffled back and forth as to whether I will take a day off for something that I want to take a day off for. At those times I was trying to be responsible by trying not to miss a day. I did not communicate assertively ahead of time on things like this.
Recently, I had a deadline to get something done in a two or three day time-frame and because it was new, unfamiliar and I would have to work to get it done, it didn't happen, I forgot.
When I make those mistakes over and over I make things more difficult for others and for myself.
I think a lot of times I am the one who is affected because I realize the choices I made, sometimes subconsciously, and I become disappointed in myself and very anxious that others are judging me for it.
I want so badly to fix it and never do it again, but trying so hard to get my mind in the right place to prevent future incidents never works.
I have come down to this: When I do not apply myself even, if it's hard and maybe boring, I cause difficulty for others because of it and therefore I do not bring glory to God.
Who is going to look at me, the person who did not make an effort, and say
"Wow, where does she get her awesomeness!" No, they're going to think
"Wow, she only cares about herself!" and if I say I'm a Christian, how will that go over?
No, if I do great work and make things better for the people around me, they will marvel and ask
"Where does she get it?" The answer will be: God.
That is enough reason for me to change my ways. I live to glorify Him, and when my actions do the opposite, I must change that.
Actually, I must take a deep breath, apologize to God and pray that He delivers me from myself.
When the chance comes again to work hard on something unpleasant, I must remember this moment and how I want to be different.
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